Butterfly

Anna

2009-10-24T07:06:00.000-07:00

Luke 2:36-38 And there was a prophetess, Anna, the daughter of Phanuel, of the tribe of Asher. She was advanced in years, having lived with her husband seven years from when she was a virgin, and then as a widow until she was eighty-four. She did not depart from the temple, worshiping with fasting and prayer night and day. And coming up at that very hour [the hour in which baby Jesus was presented in the temple] she began to give thanks to God and to speak of him to all who were waiting for the redemption of Jerusalem. (ESV)

I was always slightly daunted by this namesake of mine. I wanted to be nothing like this Anna. Being a prophetess sounds utterly terrifying, losing my husband at an early age is one of my greatest fears, and spending the rest of my life in prayer in fasting, well, boring. One day I asked my mother why she would condemn me to such a life, she said something that changed my heart and helped shape my self-image in Christ. She said that I was named Anna because in the day of Christ's coming, his day of dedication in the temple in which he takes on the role of God's son and servant, she recognized him for who he was. Sounds simple. But, what a wonderful gift to have-- the inherent knowledge that Christ is and that He is my redemption. Oh, let me like her in that she knew him at first sight! And, when I think on the recognition of Christ as The Most High, I realize that that is no higher calling than that of the prophetess Anna-- to be wholly dedicated to Christ in words, location, prayer, and needs.

As a side note, I was also named after my great-grandma who lived to be 104 and also loved the Lord.

O Holy Night

2009-10-20T15:34:00.000-07:00

I know this seems a little early, but I think about this song often. I love old hymns especially Christmas ones because, being an English major, I think the words are stunning. Take a minute and read over this song as a poem, which originally was. Chew on the words a little. Forget that it is a Christmas song and focus on the truth of it now; the truth of it in regards to your current state of being; the truth of it in how it reflects the joy, joy, joy of your salvation from sin and weariness.

O Holy Night! The stars are brightly shining,

It is the night of the dear Saviour's birth.

Long lay the world in sin and error pining.

Till He appeared and the soul felt its worth.

A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices,

For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn.

Fall on your knees! Oh, hear the angel voices!

O night divine, the night when Christ was born;

Fall on your knees now and thank Him for the hope of a new morn!

Provision

2009-10-13T19:29:00.000-07:00

We went camping last weekend in Moab. Before we left we spent a significant amount of time preparing our provisions for the trip so that we would be well equipped and lack nothing. Bowls, cups, chairs, tents, headlamps, sleeping bags, sunscreen, warm clothes, cooler filled with the right nutritious foods, books for entertainment, bike gear, batteries for the camera. And yet despite all our of intense planning we ran out fuel for the cook stove. The cook stove broke. We didn't have the money to pay for the campsite. The batteries got cold and drained overnight. A tire blew on the bike and we didn't have the right size to replace it. I left my toothbrush.

But, I had my number one provision. Just as I spend time planning for my needs, God spent time planning what I would need to get through the camping trip of earth. He provided me with Jason. See, God looked ahead and knew that after my salvation was fulfilled in Christ that I needed some additional help. Provision broken into parts means pro-in favor of and vision-sight: in favor of sight or foresight. He equipped Jason with the things he would need to match Anna and visa versa. Jason is outgoing and encourages me out of my shell; he is thoughtful and helps to stimulate my curious mind; he is romantic and fulfills my need to feel like a princess; he is devoted; he is disciplined; he is playful; he is organized; he is adventurous.

God even saw fit to give me a little treat like those s'mores every camper takes not because they are necessary but because they are fun. I had this "list" of items I thought my future husband should have: play guitar, be left handed, look sexy in a suit, and love the outdoors. Unbelievably, God even made provisions for those little treats in life.

Great

2009-10-04T08:04:00.000-07:00

I don't have children yet, but one day I hope to. As my church has been reading through Luke, I came upon a blessing that I desperately desire for my children one day. When Zechariah is being met by the angel Gabriel to proclaim the future birth of his son John, he is told that his son would be "great before God." I think I missed the rest of the sermon after this phrase. There is no higher hope that I could have for my child! I often pray that when I have a child that he or she be healthy and intelligent, but never have I prayed the he or she be great before God. The ultimate blessing and I never thought to pray it. For my pregnant friends, I have changed my prayer for their babies to, "Let the child be know as Great Before God!"
Amen

New Heart

2009-09-20T07:30:00.000-07:00

God has given me a new heart washed fresh by his enending grace. I've been listening to a sermon by Mark Driscoll from Mars Hill Church, Seattle. He was reviewing what Proverbs has to say about my new heart.
Signs of a New Heart:
1. faith 3.5
2. desires obedience 4.4
3. correctable 5.12
4. teachale 10.8
5. content 14:30
6. loves wisdom 15.14
7. cheerful 15.15
8. helpful 15.28
9. discerning 16.21
10. persuasive 16.23
11. humble 18.12
12. intelligent 18.15
13. beautiful 27.19
14. repentant 28.14

Stick Horse

2009-03-15T09:22:00.000-07:00

My grandpa tells a story of genius parenting skills. When he was a young child in Kansas City, MO his parents tooks him and his younger brother to Woolworth's clothing store. In those days, this was a two mile walk from their house to the store. By the end of their shoping trip, my grandpa's brother was too exhausted to walk home. He was refusing. There was no hop in the car solution, it was walk or nothing. In their stroke of genius, they bought my great uncle a stick horse and asked him to ride it home. With no hesitation, those little tired boy legs were transformed into a galloping steed that "carried" him home the two miles.

Some times I wonder if God gives me a stick horse when I complain about how tired I am.

Words of Gold

2009-01-21T10:14:00.000-08:00

This morning my husband opened up a treasure box. He pulled out a shinny gold nugget. Quickly I tucked it into my heart and locked it away securely so that it could not be stolen. A word. A simple word turned into a gold nugget as it dripped from his lips.

To me, Jason, your words of kindness and love are worth their weight in gold. I am so wealthy.

Opportunity

2009-01-20T12:35:00.000-08:00

You know those odd coincidences when you hear an obscure fact twice or more in one day when you have never heard it before. It makes you wonder, "What are you trying to say here God?" This is one of those odd facts that I heard twice in one day...weird.

Crisis: In chinese is comprised of two characters. One word meaning disaster. One work meaning opportunity.

Perhaps God is saying...don't forget the opportunity always comes too.

Socks Again.

2009-01-08T17:53:00.000-08:00

Thanks to West Coast Bank, Footzone Bend, and the former Oasis church, we raised nearly 1,000 pairs of socks for the Shepherd's House Homeless Shelter and the Family Access Network. Keep in mind that these non-profit organizations need help at all times of the year.
Shepherd's House currently is looking for donations that include: coffee, plastic silverwear, hot cups, and heavy duty plates. Thanks so much to all that helped!!!

Know Me!

2008-12-29T12:35:00.000-08:00

I find myself in my free time switching between facebook, myspace, hotmail, gmail, work e-mail, yahoo mail, bloggspot, twitter, text messages, voicemail...and it has occured to me that it is more than boredom that drives me to these places. If it was merely boredom then I would be satisfied with online games or tv or books. Modern technology has created some thing more necessary to my heart than entertainment. It has created a way for me to seek recognition. I don't mean recognition for doing some great thing or some idiotic thing-- just simple recognition. I want people to know who I am, so I "collect" facebook friends in the hopes that people will remember me or will see how many great connections I have. I write blogs because I want to have something of value that people can take from or enjoy. But the deep down truth is I spend time interfacing in this odd manner because my soul wants to be known. I base my value on how many people remember me or feel connected to me in some way. I long for intimacy of the friendship sort and search for it in the superficial form of a picture of a person from my past or a recollection of good memories long gone, and I give it in the same manner. We (yes I do venture a we) are crying out to be known.

I have friends that I cherish and run to with all my whims and fears. I have the Knight in Shining Armor to be my greatest friend and hero. I have family who never fails me. But, my heart is still reaching for more and more. Know me! Know me!

I'm a big fan of the coffee shop because this is the modern "water cooler" or "church potluck." It has become a place where we are known. A place where business men meet to share their ideas. Where ladies meet to laugh and cry. Where kids meet to explore their insecurities. Where individuals meet with themselves in time away from chaos. I love doing this one of one with people and spend a significant amount of time doing it. It is priceless! Yet, at the end of the day I come home and check my facebook, myspace, hotmail, gmail, work e-mail, yahoo mail, bloggspot, twitter, text messages, voicemail... My heart is still reaching for more and more. Know me! Know me!

As I write this I discover yet another truth: "Know me" translates into "Please, love me."

Jeremiah 31:3 I have loved you with an everlasting love.
Jeremiah 1:5 Before I formed you in the womb I knew you

Warm the Sole

2008-11-22T14:52:00.000-08:00

"How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world." -Anne Frank

Jason and I wanted to help. We stand by the scripture in John that says not to just love in words and in tongue but in actions and in truth. So we did a simple thing. We asked a local homeless shelter what they needed. We were expecting to hear winter jackets or money, but the answer was surprising. Socks.

So we neatly did our part and bought some packs of socks. Jason dropped them off at the homeless shelter, but literally before he made it through the door men were asking if they could have a pair. A couple weeks before I gave a homeless couple on the street a bag with random food items and a new pair of socks that our church group had put together to give to the homeless in lieu of money. When I gave the man the bag, they two immediately started arguing over the socks. This pricked my heart. There was more we could do here.

Having clean warm socks is something we all take for granted. Many of us can even remember complaining about getting socks for Christmas gifts. But last year Shepherd's House, a local homeless shelter, gave out over 5,000 pairs of socks. The Family Access Network, a children's advocacy program, aided over 3,000 children, mothers, and fathers with needed clothing items. Clean, white socks are a staple of homeless health care. Rain-soaked feet, ill-fitting shoes, constant standing and diseases take their toll on the feet of homeless people. One of the most basic ways to keep feet healthy is to keep them warm and dry.

I found this picture while browsing for ways to help. At first I thought it was merely sad...a man without a sock proclaiming his creative metaphor. And then I began to ponder his metaphor. God is the fullfiller of our most basic needs. He is the Fullfillment of being safe and warm and cared for. Today, with a pair of warm socks, I can act as God's agent of warmth.

I've never undertaken a sock drive before, but Anne Frank reminded me that nobody, me included, has to wait a single moment before changing the world. Whatever is on your heart, don't wait.

As for Jason and I, we would feel blessed if you joined us for the Warm the Sole sock drive and warmed both sole and soul. Footzone, West Coast Bank, and Oasis church are already backing us. I'm like a little kid in a room full of puppies, I can't wait to touch as many as I can!

9 Words Women Use

2008-09-10T15:10:00.000-07:00

9 Words Women Use
1.) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
2.) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five Minutes is only five minutes if you have just been g iven five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
3.) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with Nothing usually end in Fine.
4.) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!
5.) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A Loud Sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of Nothing.)
6.) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's Okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
7.) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome.
8.) Whatever: Is a women's way of saying #%&@ YOU!
9.) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement; meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to #3.

Subi

2008-08-25T18:03:00.000-07:00

With a face this cute no one even tries to resist. Our dog-for-a-year, Subi, has arrived.

Friendship

2008-08-15T16:35:00.000-07:00

Titus 2:4 Then they (the older women) can train the younger women to love their husbands and children.

I read recently that the word love in this verse is actually the word phileo which means friendship love. I have to credit my mother and a great friend/mentor, Sandy, for speaking to me words of friendship for my husband.

There is no one who is a better friend to me than Jason. I seek to know his opinion. I can't wait to get home and hear about his day. Nothing makes me happier than to hear him laugh or see his beaming face after a success. I think of small things to bring joy to his day. He is playful. He is strong. He is gentle.

Jason, I love you. You are my greatest friend.

Miracles

2008-07-30T07:47:00.000-07:00

Being somewhat of a perfectionist and feeling that writing is a strength of mine, I often feel like I have to have something perfectly written and full of meaning in order to write anything at all. And, for the last few weeks I've experienced (as we all have) a multitude of items that have left me thinking, feeling, hoping, fearing, etc..., but none of seem to be transferable into my perfect idea of a meaningful blog. No big ticket items that rock my world and send me off in some dramatic internal paradigm shift that begs to be written in length words. My lesson, though, is one found in the following poem by Walt Whitman.

"Miracles."

Why! who makes much of a miracle?

As to me, I know of nothing else but miracles,

Whether I walk the streets of Manhattan,

Or dart my sight over the roofs of houses toward the sky,

Or wade with naked feet along the beach, just in the edge of the water,

Or stand under trees in the woods,

Or talk by day with any one I love--

or sleep in the bed at night with any one I love,

Or sit at table at dinner with my mother,

Or look at strangers opposite me riding in the car,

Or watch honey-bees busy around the hive, of a summer forenoon,

Or animals feeding in the fields,

Or birds--or the wonderfulness of insects in the air,

Or the wonderfulness of the sun-down--

or of stars shining so quiet and bright,

Or the exquisite, delicate, thin curve of the new moon in spring;

Or whether I go among those I like best,

and that like me best--mechanics, boatmen, farmers,

or to the opera,

Or stand a long while looking at the movements of machinery,

Or behold children at their sports,

Or the admirable sight of the perfect old man,

or the perfect old woman,

Or the sick in hospitals,

or the dead carried to burial,

Or my own eyes and figure in the glass;

These, with the rest, one and all, are to me miracles,

The whole referring--yet each distinct, and in its place.

To me, every hour of the light and dark is a miracle,

Every cubic inch of space is a miracle,

Every square yard of the surface of the earth is spread with the same,

Every foot of the interior swarms with the same;

Every spear of grass--the frames, limbs, organs, of men and women,

and all that concerns them,

All these to me are unspeakably perfect miracles.

To me the sea is a continual miracle;

The fishes that swim--the rocks--the motion of the waves--the ships,

with men in them,

What stranger miracles are there?

-Walt Whitman

Here are Anna Miracles

Freshly bloomed flowers on an early morning walk

An untouched lake newly uncloaked

from the fog

A perfectly cooked pancake on a camping trip

floating lazily down a river with friends and family

Kayaking in the sun

my husband's first competitive triathlon

Rogue

2008-07-11T12:05:00.000-07:00

close your eyes

remember a good moment

inhale deeply

recall its sweet smell

trace the fuzzy edges of your

vision until they

are sharp

mull it around in your mouth

feel the air prickle your skin

now grab on to the folds of

hope and happiness

that were wrapped around

your shoulders.

open your eyes
step forward.

This is how I hold on to those moments of time that flavor life. Usually words are lacking. Never is there a picture that gives truth. But, they are all I have to pass on to you. Know that each shared picture and crafted word is utterly untrue in its incomplete representation of a good moment. Through each memory I have stepped forward adding a layer of hope and happiness to my life. As I lead you on a journey of picture and word, remember that the words are plain but the experience is magnificent.

Now, the straight-up, unfancy facts.

Rough Wilderness Hike

Day 1: Set our from our car at 9:30 am.
Mile 1- Met a California Mountain King Snake
Mile 7- Baxter finally got tired of pulling me uphill.
Mile 9- My knee began giving me trouble and I began crying while Jason began encouraging.
Mile 11- Stopped crying
Mile 11.1- Missed our campsite

Mile 13.6- Made our own campsite and enjoyed a beautiful evening of relaxing.

Day 2:

Woke up- Baxter (the infamous dog) missing
Woke up +3 minutes- Baxter returns smelling like a nasty skunk
Woke up +10 minutes- Baxter chews through the lease that he got tied to after chasing a skunk

Mile 13.6-15- Beautiful leisurely walk

Mile 15.3- Kelsey swimming holes where the water was so clear you couldn't tell it was there.

Mile 19.4- Stopped by the river and enjoyed two hours of play and rest. Admired the rafters who floated by. Jason discovered that Anna had unrepairable horrible blisters.

Mile 23- Settled down for the evening on a large beach usually used for rafting traffic

Dusk- Water purifier stopped working (luckily we had already filled 5 liters of water)

-Played camp games

-Saw a large black bear across the river (yes, folks, they do swim.)

-Frantically hung our food for the night

Day 3:

Mile 24- A long shady route along a gorgeous mountain lodge

Mile 24.5- The trail settles into a 200-300 foot single track ledge where we encounter a mother deer and her two fawns on the trail with no apparent way off. After a few minutes of standing around like idiots, the deer finally took the risk of jumping straight up and away.

Mile 25.7- Pause on the single track and overlook Inspiration Point, a stair-step waterfall with a pool in the middle. Below, rapids carried daring rafters between the rocky canyon walls.

Mile 31.2 -A haven of rest for lunch. A small ranger station equipped with potable water, 2nd skin for my blisters, and a gentle old ranger for conversation

Mile 32.9- A lovely time worn creek with a natural slide into a pool of clear water.

Cameras don't float-end of pictures.

Mile 34.8- Our final sleep over

(I must deviate here from the list-like facts. This is probably the most beautiful span of scenery that my eyes have beheld. Because our camera was drenched, we have no pictures to add to the smallness of my description. Since the last creek, two miles back, the trail was on a high ledge with no shade or water. Then, we round a corner and an oasis of stunning beauty meets my eyes. A step-down waterfall pauses for brief moments in clear pools before heading gently towards the next graceful arch into the next pool. Green soft rouged ground is shaded by old growth hardwoods and towering evergreens. The third waterfall lazed into a large pool that spread out large and still before splitting into two 3 foot falls. In the large pool, the water was as clear as glass and salamanders floated along the bottom or edged towards the top to quickly grab a water bug. Jason and I both took a "shower" in the lower fall then dried ourselves in the remnant of the setting sun. We then relaxed our tired backs and feet on a large flat boulder that jutted out into the river giving us the feeling that we were floating with the current.)

Day 4:

Mile 36-37- Difficult climbing switchbacks.

Mile 39- Hot meadow of dry grass

Mile 40- Success!

Mile 41- Paved road that led from the trailhead to the car. Jason carried the already limping dog to spare his worn-down pads from the burning asphalt. I've never seen Baxter look so happy.

Holding Up My Arms

2008-06-25T08:17:00.000-07:00

Things have not been easy. Six months now and I don't have a job. Ten months and our house isn't sold. Four months and our Jeep isn't sold. It seems like money problems, but I recently discovered that that isn't what is eating at me. What is eating me is "answer" problems. We're good people, we tithe faithfully, pray faithfully, read our Bible faithfully, moved to Bend faithfully, participate in church faithfully, give to others faithfully... Why aren't our "problems" getting answered.

I'm beginning to be angry. I'm so bored that I'm going insane. I do one chore a day so that I have a left-over chore to look forward to the next day. I've read 5 books in two weeks. Other people's good news is an itchy rash to me. When other people's house sell miraculously, I cannot rejoice with them, but wonder what I did wrong that God would slight us. When another person got a much sought after job without credentials or experience, I wonder why I can't even get a call when I have excellent credentials and experience. I have no way to give financially to my own household. My anger and malcontent are seeping into my marriage.

And then, Rest.

Nothing solved. No glimmer in the future. No word from God. No miracles. But, rest from an unexpected source.

She said to me, "I will hold up your hands for you. When Moses fought the Amaleks they were winning as long as his hands were raised. But, Moses got tired and his hands fell. His friends and family came to him and held his hands up for him so that they might have victory. I will take up praying for you so that you can rest. I will help you hold up your hands now that you are weary."

Exodus 17:11 "So it came about when Moses held his hand up, that Israel prevailed, and when he let his hand own, Amalek prevailed. But Moses' hands were heavy. Then they took a stone and put it under him, and he sat on it; and Aaron and Hur supported his hands, one on one side and one on the other. Thus his hands were steady until the sun set."

Share Your Thump

2008-06-24T15:28:00.000-07:00

A while back Jason and I were sitting in our favorite local coffee shop (Thump) and I wrote this found poem. A "found" poem is one where you find words and use them in a poem. Most of the major words in this poem were someplace in the shop. I just thought it would be fun to share.

I thump out the
loose moments.
Rattled by the
sweetness of unlocked
community.
I dropped the endless
passion of
one
self
and tie together the
strings of each stranger's
music into one drum beat.
Each thump drumming
out the blending of a purposeful
dance. The
thrumming individuality
swirls into a
storm of frenzied passion
localized
into one masterfully painted
thump beat-
drum beat-
thumping heart
beat.

Mountains

2008-06-23T21:12:00.001-07:00

If a mountain was smooth, you wouldn't be able to climb it.-unknown

God-Name

2008-06-20T11:52:00.000-07:00

I've been struggling to identify in myself who I am in Christ. In the last couple of weeks, I've had some revelations. It is just an interesting idea that I thought I would like to share. Read over it. If you wish, I'd love to hear some responses, otherwise, know that it is just a little slice of what my thoughts have been wandering to these last two weeks.
Jason identifies himself as a Tender Warrior and a Strong Oak. In the things he does he strives to live up the attributes of these beautiful analogies of himself. As a Tender Warrior, he sets off to fight the battles set before him with fierceness and ferocity, but has a heart of tenderness. When a Strong Oak he remembers that his roots run deep and draw their nutrients from the living water. When the figurative or literal storm comes, he stands firm. All these things are evident in Jason's life, and he continually seeks to personify them more.
I, on the other hand, have been resistant and unsure of the name I feel that God has assigned to me-my God-name as I call it. Butterfly. I am God's butterfly? Humph, what good is a butterfly? Butterflies are short lived, pushed about by the slightest breeze, and not on the top of any type of food chain. Why have you called me to be a butterfly, Lord?! Why can't I be a Joan of Arc or some other bad-ass chick with a sword?
This past week I finally understood. Butterflies are beautiful. Think of it. When you see a butterfly, you take a moment to behold its flight and the color of its wings. You point it out to the nearest person so that they too might enjoy the moment of beauty. There is this unexplainable instant when you heart is at rest and all seems right in the world. For a moment, you feel a peaceful restoration to your tired heart. You know those peaceful moments, the times when the sun peaks over a snow-covered mountain, the mist rises off a warm river, an eagle swoops over a caldera, a butterfly dances on the wind. The moment of breathless beauty that feeds your soul and rests your heart.
Wow, Anna, your really thinking highly of yourself aren't you? Take a moment to see where I'm going...God has not called me to a physical outward beauty, but to be the kind of person who brings about a moment of restful beauty. To bring a moment of rest for the weary heart. To be a place to find peaceful restoration. He has asked me to be a symbol of beauty in a bustling mess. I'm discovering what this means for me, but I've committed myself to put my God-name before me as a measuring stick of my daily path. Are my actions and thoughts allowing me to be a butterfly-a person of peaceful restoration to those whose paths I cross. Am I actively seeking ways to bring beauty into lives? Do I remember that God delights in me as we delight in the colorful wings of a butterfly?
I'd like to encourage you to think about your God-name. What has God asked you to become? A warrior, a princess, a mountain, a robin, a racer... Pick apart the attributes of your God-name and ask him what they mean for your life. Set the name before you and seek to become worthy of it. I certainly don't feel like a butterfly-more like a hairy spider-but I hope to develop into one.
An extra thought: Throughout the Bible names and re-naming has meaning often at a significant turning point in a character's life. Look at a few of the characters in the Bible who have meaningful "new" names...Saul/Paul, John/The One That Jesus Loved, Peter/rock, Jesus/Lamb of God, Satan/Accuser, Jacob/Isaac, etc...

Bend, Oregon

2008-01-05T17:38:00.000-08:00

Adventure itself is worthwhile-Amelia Earhart

Perhaps I should not be taking the advice of a woman who did not come back from her adventure, nevertheless, I would agree with the spirit of her quote. Here we are, my hubby and I, in Bend, Oregon soley in the spirit of adventure.

The city is stunning with its tall ponderosa pine trees and snow covered rooftops lettin out the faint smell of cozy fireplaces. The Canadian geese paddle down the river keeping it from freezing at the edges. People walk about with fashionable scarfs and wide grins talking about their skiing and snowshoeing adventures. I feel as though I am in a Thomas Kincade painting.
As I am writing this, gentle swirling snow is adding to the 2-3 inches of snow we received over night. Baxter is curled up in a content ball on his new bed, and Jason sits by the fire playing with his tools. Contentment and joy encourage my soul.

But everthing is not all oil paintings and warm fireplaces. Neither Jason nor I have jobs yet. The house in Albuquerque still has not sold and is a huge drain on any financial income we will have when we get jobs. The house that we rented has had some frustrating problems (leak in the laundry room, broken bathroom sink, broken heating, no refrigerator, very little storage, only two heating elements on the fairly new stove top are working, our bed doesn't fit in any of the rooms, and the piano didn't fit through the door.)

And yet we have received a couple of amazing blessings! Someone has offered to help pay our car payment for the next three months. A friend of Jason's here in Bend had an extra refrigerator and is allowing us to store things in their shop. The neighbors are extremely friendly and kind. Jason's family was the greatest blessing of all. His dad and nephew drove the moving van for the three days it tooks to get here through below freezing weather and some frightening conditions. His mother did all of the cleaning in our house which freed me up to put things away. His nephew Brandon kept us entertained and laughing.

Thank you, Cecil

2007-10-21T17:47:00.000-07:00

It is finished. Five months of complaining (and tearing up constantly-added my oh, so patient husband) and I completed a 1/2 marathon. Oh, yeah come check out these calves, baby!
Yes, this Saturday I participated in 13.1 miles of muscular bliss and raw power. Do I hear hilarious laughing? It's true. Five months ago, I would have laughed too. Mostly due to my husband's extreme patience and encouragement, I became a runner. I believe I got into it for new clothes and a cool pair of running shoes, but eventually I had to face the facts and realize that I actually promised that I would do this crazy thing.

There was crying, sweating, chafing, blisters, and some strange foot rash (not contageous). You know the real kick in the butt? Not a single pound or inch was shed. Come on now, God, what kind of cruel joke is this! Health smealth, this just means I get to eat an extra piece of pizza for dinner. As much complaining and whining as I did to my patient husband, I discovered that I actually do like it. Don't tell though because then I will be expected to do it more often.
I'm no speedy Gonzales at over a 12 minute mile, but hey I ran longer than the marathon winner. That has to say something for my endurance right? I must say a shout-out to Cecil my 50 something race day pacing partner. Somewhere around mile 6, we found ourselves in step. Several times I discovered that I had to speed up just to stay with him. Maybe by the time I'm 50 I'll be able run on my own. Then around mile 9 he couldn't hang with me any more. But I don't think I could have made it between those three miles with out Cecil.

My husband is complaining that I didn't give him top billing because he had to put up with many, many miles of complaining and Cecil only got me through three. Truth is, Jason, I wanted nothing more than to make you proud. When I got tired, it was thinking back on your enthusiasm and encouragment that made move one more step. I wanted to tell you that I did it. Thank you, Jason, for being a strong oak through my many storms.

Laughter

2007-01-05T20:40:00.000-08:00

We've all heard the old adage, "Laughter makes the best medicine." I don't think any of us can contest that. We know it. We feel it when we laugh until we cry or until, hum..hum, we leak a little. I know that I can't wait to be around people that make me laugh or go see a movie or read a book that makes me bust a gut.

Don't be afraid to laugh at yourself even when your alone. I know I laugh at you all the time. The people in my head regularly roll in the grey matter with laughter. It is amazing how easily we can find laughter when we come with the attitude of "I'm going to enjoy this life God gave me."
Try out these funny experiences: Movie-Little Miss Sunshine; Book-Marley and Me (be careful, you'll cry too); Place-Dog Park (even if you don't have a dog, go watch) or a comedy club (Go Justin Leon!!!); Websites; youtube; People-chose your own and ask them out for coffee; On your own-dance like a maniac in the kitchen, shower, living room (or make a snow-woman).

Here is my funny story that I tell to my students every year when I make them write a funny story...

When I was 10 I was playing at the park with my best friend Krissy. We thought we were big stuff because we could swing really high and then jump out at the highest point. You know the drill, you tried it too. At was all good fun until....my 10 year old crush showed up at the park. Man was he handsome. Leather jacket (in the middle of summer heat), black spiky hair, and oo-la-la green eyes. I must impress him! I race to the swing. I pump my legs to the highest point just before the chain starts to jerk. I flip out of the swing, not jump, flip...backwards. Yes, I hear the cheers in my head as my feet race towards the ground. Oo-la-la Ryan will think I am the most amazing girl in the 5th grade. I can already here the praises and feel the lavish attention being bestowed on my by this hunk of an adolescent. Wait....what's that I hear as my feet land gloriously on the ground...laughter? Hum, not what I pictured in my head. I slowly turn and realize there is a slight breeze that wasn't there before. You know where this is going. And then I see it. The seat of my pants jerking around with the swing as it comes to a halt. The pocket caught inside the S-ring. My Ryan is staring at my rear seeing my lovely underwear. But it gets better, wait for it, wait for it...I was wearing Garfield underwear. Little orange Garfields eating lasagna all over my rear. Ryan eat your heart out!

I AM

2006-12-31T20:45:00.000-08:00

Today during Sunday School the teacher did an overview of the Moses story. I've heard this story countless times, as have many of you, but this time I got stuck on two little words. I AM. This too I have studied and heard of often, but what caught me this time was God's lack of explanation.

After speaking for a long time yesterday to a fabulous friend about all the Christian formulas that we are taught in church, sunday school, Bible study, etc., I was anxious to start looking at the simple truth of God and His love as untouched by human conjecture. God didn't give Moses a list of what it means to be the I AM. He simply told him to tell those who asked that He was the I AM. No three C's to remember or five bullet points or acronyms, just simply I AM.
Being an English teacher it is nearly painful to not add something to the end of that complete sentence. I am provider. I am lover of your soul. I am Emmanuel. I am omnipotent. I am (fill in the blank.) And He is all of those things! However, He is also something unfathomable of which I can never define. He is the I AM.

Think for a little bit about not defining God by adding to His own words.

I AM the I AM.

Make a Joyful Noise!

2006-12-24T20:46:00.000-08:00

Last night during Christmas Eve service we were singing "Joy to the World," but the pianist and the song leader were singing at two very different tempos. It was so horrible that I didn't know what to sing therefore I just giggled. My older brother leaned over and half-jokingly said, "Make a joyful noise!" Being the sentimental sap that I am, that made me start thinking about all the joyful noises I'd heard on Christmas Eve. Below are listed some of the beautiful sounds of life and love that I've had the pleasure of listening in on and partaking in. Take some time today to listen to the sounds of joy around you.
1. Niece Callie cooing in her 6 month old language.
2. Voices of friends calling to wish me Merry Christmas.
3. Laughter of family around the table, in the car, in front of the tv, in the kitchen....
4. Music that sings of a saviors birth.
5. Birds waking in the morning.
6. Excited shouts of my nephew opening a pre-Santa Christmas gift.
7. Of course, out of temp Christmas Carols
8. Parents snoring

Pajama Day

2006-12-22T20:49:00.000-08:00

Once a year I celebrate Pajama day. The day of the year varies, but the celebration stays the same. I invite you to join me in creating your own pajama day. The rules are simple...wear your pajamas all day long and eat breakfast for all three meals. Need to go grocery shopping? Don't forget those fuzzy slippers. You can even make this an excuse to buy those new flannel pj's on sale at Old Navy every Christmas. I don't recommend the Victoria Secret Sale because then, ladies, you would have to shave your legs and that defeats the purpose of pajama day... which is, well, I'm not sure, but shaving my legs doesn't fit in.There is nothing like a good Pajama day to restore your laziness to the correct balance. Happy Pajama Day to all. And to all a Merry Pancake Feast!

And That's What I Remember

2006-12-17T20:50:00.000-08:00

strawberry patches filled with red ripeness
pink bonnets laces with snow-white fringe
stories punctuated with laughter
faith that never once waivered
and that's what I remember
soft and gentle hands caressing my forehead
songs of faith sung in the kitchen
wrinkle lines filled with concern
watching humming birds graceful in flight
and that's what I remember
unconditional love bubbeling over
reassurance of grace whispered in small words
a smile of hope to renew the day
two arms to embrace and one heart to encompase
and that's what I remember

My hope, my prayer, my life's goal is to be a woman of such love that one day the evidence of my love will cut a deep grove in the hearts of those I knew. A groove so deep that all will look and gaze in wonder and know it is a mark of unconditional, unreserved love. One of the hardest struggles that I deal with in my life right now is that I feel love and joy, and I look around my home to share my jubilation and no one is there. The things I have are of no use to me unless they can be used in some way as an outlet to demonstrate love. My grandma, who I remember, understood how to nuture and heal with love. I love you Mom-mom!

The Lord God is the source, the eternal spring, the blazing fire of love. Praise to you God, who is Love.

A Beautiful Death

2006-12-06T20:52:00.000-08:00

It has come to a beginning.

Her death, a beautiful one. Not pretty to look at, not pleasent to dwell on, grusesome inside my heart, but beautiful in the eyes of God. Her cries to go Home, heard and accepted. Her desire for the ultimate love, granted. At last she can sing. laugh. praise. Her life's goal, her life's work...rewarded.

It has come to a beginning.

Grandma, I love you with each teardrop shape. Your new life, new beginning swells up in front of you.

love at first sight

2006-11-29T20:54:00.000-08:00

A year ago I visited the local humain society. I had my eye on this adorable aussie mix. Ah, she was so adorable and calm and housetrained. And then I encountered love at first sight! I wasn't a believe either, not until I passed a shy, wrinkly face that looked up at me with puppy sadness. No, I had made up my mind; I has visited the pound four time and I was sure the Aussie was the one for me. But darn that wrinkled face. When I passed that little shy puppy would come to the gate and put up his paw. I'd pass by and he would go lay down. Another person would gaze through his wire home and those shy eyes would barely look up. Returning back to his pen, he lifted his face and came curiously to the gate again.

Two months later, I returned home to find couch stuffing hanging from the saggy lips of the no longer shy puppy, Baxter. Never in my life have I wanted to beat the crap out of a living soul with such furious anger. Counting to ten was not nearly enough. After refraining from pulling out his claws one by painful one, I realized that I loved this dog way more than I love my twice handed down couch.

Tonight, like so many others, Baxter has been my constant companion protecting me from poor kitty, warning me of the returning neighbor, and hogging the bed. But, he makes me laugh and brightens my day like nothing else. Each day when I get home he is so excited to see me that he can't even stand still long enough for me to pet him. He licks, and twirls, and maniacally wags his tail. It is wonderful to come home to joy and love, even if it has a black tongue and prefers to eat poo to eating food.

Beautiful Students

2006-11-22T20:56:00.000-08:00

Some days my little mutants (ie students) drive me up a wall and I can barely contain my frustration. Other days, I look at the light in their eyes and their thirst for life and I feel a swell of love towards them. They are so enthusiastic and innocent. (Okay, not so innocent, but they don't fully realize their actions so they are close to innocent.) I love to be there when they discover a new idea or create a piece of art. Their eyes light up like the sun rising over the early morning mountains. When they succeed with something they put their effort into, their joy and pride is beautifully evident in their body language and their faces.